How to Raise Boys Not to Be Total Jerks

TIME

xojaneThis story originally appeared on xoJane.com.

At some level, I’ve known since before my oldest son was born that this moment would come. But when it did, it took me utterly and completely off guard. I was driving a car chock-full of boys home from a soccer tournament when my nine-year-old son piped up from the back.

“Hey Mom! I’ve got a funny joke. I’ll ask you a question and you say, ‘Ketchup and rubber buns’.”

“I’ve heard this one,” chuckled my 12-year-old son.

Snickers all around from the soccer players.

Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t know what was coming next.

My son: “What did you have for breakfast?”

Me: “Oatmeal and ketchup and rubber buns.”

My son: “No! Mom! Just say ketchup and rubber buns. Try again. What did you have for breakfast?”

Me: “Ketchup and rubber buns.”

“What did you have for lunch?” “What…

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Past, Present, Future

PAST

To the guy I am with in the past, I would like to thank you for everything. I guess I still have to thank you for your love (more on false love) and care. I know we’ve been friends since Elementary. We may not be talking now but I know you and your girlfriend are both happy. Well, I wish you all the best. And I hope someday, I will hear a news that you two are happily married. I am really happy on your success now. Don’t be confused about love and lust, ok? Take good care of her 🙂

PRESENT

To my super guy now. Thank you for appreciating every efforts and everything about me. I may not be the perfect girl but you keep on telling me that I am. I am so flattered. Lucky to have a guy like you.. A best friend, boyfriend, confidante and partner in everything. You taught me a lot of things like how to behave properly when in public and not to get played or fooled by other assholes out there. You know what I’m talking about, right? You’re the best I have and will have. I’m lucky and blessed enough for having you.

FUTURE

You’ll probably see this after __ years. Well, I hope we’ll stick through everything and may we keep our promises and fulfill them together.

PS: I am referring to the same guy in the “PRESENT and FUTURE” here.

Thoughts

A year have passed yet I can still remember every single thing about you.. You are like my sister and best friend. We laugh, cry, lie and do things together. We had a lot of good memories together and also bad things. I may remember the good things but the bad things were above it. Maybe because whenever we’re together, you always makes fun out of me. Every time my mom hears the surname of your ex, she would look at me and ask for your whereabouts. Ask about what happened to the money my mom lend you. I can tell her your address but I didn’t. Why? Merely because you might change the story. Yes, you always pay when we go out. The money you that you borrowed is not easily earned, you know. I know you have a lot of NEW and EXPENSIVE gadgets. But why can’t you pay my mom? You can buy a lot of things for yourself, your family and your kids but you can’t pay my mom.

PS: If you’re reading this, I’m sorry if I have to post this.